Sin is a lonely place to be.

  "And I'll never know, how much it cost to see my sin upon the Cross."


  One of Satans greatest tricks is the loneliness felt in our sin. We hide it all away in the darkness and when we go to church we present a measured smile. We all admit to being sinners but the confession stops there. It's one of the few things that the Roman Catholic Church gets so right. Not that Priests are so self centred that they feel that they can absolve you of your sins, mind you what do I know. That's probably the reason they were called right? But it's that they encourage their congregants to openly tell them of their sins. Then the congregant has to look at that priest every Sunday knowing that they know and that their sins have come into the light.

  I am a sinner. I don't want to be. I'm also a complete fool. Recently, even when I've prayed to the Lord there has been sin that I have been too ashamed to bring to him. Or that I have only half done so. I've hidden behind the old addage that "if you ever find a perfect Christian keep a hold of him because he's Jesus." While that is very true, it's also given me a place to hide with my sins in the darkness from the Lord. As if that was even possible. When Adam and eve sinned and God was walking in the cool of the day they hid from him. That's me. It's the most stupid thing to do in the eternity that is Gods creation.

  We could be completely disgusting to the point where our sin pushes us away from God but we can never hide from him, and we can never hide them from him.

   don't think that you can manage sin like it's exposure can be kept on a calender. "Oh I'll let this sin out on wednesday, that one during the next disaster crisis so that it can be hidden, and that one... well we'll get to that one day." If God wants us to face our sins our sins will emerge and be brought out of the darkness, often with near soul destroying consequences. 

  I'm not going to admit to my sins here. Sin seldom ever only effects one person. It is a disastrous calamity of circumstances where we have been irrisponsible in our decision making and it can destroy people. My sins are as far reaching as my eyesight and yet I'm blinded to them in my inexperience of Gods love. I've been a Christian for the past 2.5 years. I know lots. Perhaps too much as I run the risk of becoming conceited. 

   I'd like to become a Pastor, or to preach, or to work on the mission fields. I have to face facts though, in my pride I sin, in my arrogance I crumble and when placed under a microscope I squirm. I'm perhaps not alone in this. Perhaps there are pastors out there who feel the same, yet we face our sins in often desperate shame and loneliness; not knowing to whom we can turn and it feels like Jesus is silent or blind to our suffering.

  Then our sins get shown up for what they are. Often dramatically, often shamefully, often in a way that doesn't just hurt the sinner. The other day I told a lie to someone and I admitted it to a friend. We spoke of it. There was a good reason to lie and so it was excused. What I didn't tell that friend is that by human standards I was hiding a sin that was far worse and it was brought into the light. That friend was hurt that I didn't just tell them. It was shame and fear that kept me hiding. I didn't want to face that dissappointed lecture. Or the reproving eyes. I was trying to pick my moment and considered lying again in order to confess it by saying, I've had a really bad day I just found out that this happened. Even though I'd known about it for a while.

  That friend is the kind of forgiving Christian I would like to be myself. I came across as angry all the time that we talked because I wanted to tell them about it. I didn't know how.

  Just tell them. If you think a person can be trusted not to behave in a foolish way with your sin. Tell them. Admit it to them and ask them if they can pray with you. We don't have a Daddy who comes home, finds out that we've been naughty and wallops us all over the house. Yet we treat God like he is. We have a Daddy who, when he comes home we can run to, throw our arms around him and say Daddy we need to talk. I've done some terrible things today.

  The Lord tells us to confess our sins to others before coming to him. I did tell a friend about this sin a while ago but not the whole truth. I wanted to guard some sense of pride. Then I prayed to the Lord and gave him all of it. Ordinarily, I thought, that should be enough. How Naive can a person be. I have hurt at least 3 people and that number is only going to grow. Even now as I look at this I am trying to hide, I'm filled with shame. 

  I should say that what I've done is not illegal in the eyes of the Law. In fact it is completely normal in the world. But I'm not a worldly person. I'm trying to be a saint. "Set aside in new testimony." S.A.I.N.T. I don't know if anyone else has come up with that before, but that is what I'm supposed to be. I'm not. The closer I come to the Lord the more appealing the world seems to become. It's sick. We are supposed to be "In the world but not of it." I'm of the world and trying my best to leave. 

  Sin is dispairing. Each Christian will face up to their sin. I know that God forgave me for my sin before I was even born. In fact before the world was even formed I was cleansed. That imposes a whole different light of pressure however. My sins, nailed the Jesus that I love to the Cross. I feel like a monster, and in fact that is exactly what I am to the Father. Yet Jesus Chose me. He pulled up out of the death of my spirit and breathed new life into me. If you want proof of T.U.L.I.P's second letter Unconditional election, I want to jump up and down like a child. Say Screw you to my faith and run and hide. Jesus say's "I chose you before the creation of the world." 

  Confession is good for the soul. Repentence is better. I only in the past few months found out what repentence actually is. It is a failing of the modern day church that it permits complaicency. Especially with new Christians. How many new Christians are ever taken asside and given the answer to the burning question we feel too foolish to ask? That question is; "What is repentance." 

  To repent is to understand that you have sinned, you have seen the effects of that sin and apologised for it. Then you need to take the next step, turn away from it. The wages for sin is death. The reward for repentence is new life eternal. You can turn away from sin, leaving it behind for good and while there may be temptation, you can recognise the tell tale signs from your past experience. This forges a brand new future for yourself with the Lords hand in yours as together you walk through life towards eternity.

  Confession, forgiveness, repentence. In that order it comes. Lean on the Holy Spirit for help. Pray and have an acountability partner if you think you might struggle. I have one and it's pretty cool. Often you find yourselves discussing things you would otherwise be too ashamed to with others and you can really help one another. Prayer and Bible study are also your massive weapons in this spiritual battle. Remeber this as a good test. The more successful you think you are in overcoming sin in your life; the harder satan is going to attack you.

  Stay faithful and Love the lord and satans teeth become just gums. Don't doubt that the Lord has you fully clothed in righteousness. He washed you in the blood of his only son.